The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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