I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
