hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
