and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize