very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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