dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
