im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
