I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize