Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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