Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
