Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
