I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
