508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
