Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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