Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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