I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
