Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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