I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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