The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
