i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
