My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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