Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
