i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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