Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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