the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
