all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
