Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
