he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize