last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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