I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
