How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
