She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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