i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
soo... how was my night?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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