i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
