I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i now understand why vodka
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize