tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize