he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
