I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
