My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize