turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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