it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
