i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
