her vagine was all disorganized.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
