guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just google imaged poop.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
