Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
