Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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