a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
