im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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