yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
