Don't make out with my wife yet
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
