Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
