Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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