ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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