The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
