I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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