I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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