I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
