Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize