Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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