I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it was like eating out sand paper
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
