dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
