Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize