the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
