it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
