clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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