I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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