haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
