Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
