I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
