My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
