Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
