My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
