I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
