I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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