The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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