Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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