All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
