I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
