He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
