went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
