Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
