I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
