Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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