i just had sex bonerless
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
