Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
