Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
