Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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