Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
