My Higher Power is John Stamos
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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