I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
