Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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