I accidentally had phone sex last night
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
