All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
