There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I look better un-naked...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i think my cat just said my name.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
