if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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