i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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