I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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