I'll bet she douches with gravy.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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