her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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