Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
