i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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