My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
