Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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