Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
