Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Text me some of your sweat
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
