Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize