i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
