Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
