I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
