Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
the raccoons are back...
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