My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
